Depression is a mental illness that has a negative impact on how you feel, the way you think and the way you act. According to WHO, 300 million people worldwide have depression and is the leading cause of disability.
Why?
Why so many people suffer from this medical illness?
Why even in the “happiest” homes there is someone that feels like the world is against them, no one understands or even worst… it’s better to just end it all?*
Why is this disease so common among us?
I once had a battle with depression (and social anxiety) when I was a teenager. It resulted in me isolating myself from my loved ones and placed a fake smile whenever I left my room and have to face the real world.
How did I know I had depression? Well, I started to notice that everything that people seemed to be excited about it will feel like a burden to me. Going out with friends, being with family, etc. All those activities I would try my hardest to avoid.
Another thing I noticed is that I would always be alone in my room just filled with thoughts of wanting to disappear or what it would be like if I died.
Other things just placed the icing on the not so yummy cake… one day I picked up a knife wondering what it would be like if I just stabbed myself then I realized I didn’t want to die a painful death, I just wanted to not exist anymore.
My family members are loving, kind and were always worried about me being alone. But my mind would not allow me to enjoy their company or even tell them things that were going on because I felt as though they wouldn’t understand or wouldn’t be much help. My self-esteem was pretty low and I looked on other people’s lives and wished I had it like that(social media made everything worst)
Everyone will be different when it comes to depression because it has different stages but some of the common signs are:
- No energy (always tired)
- Anger or irritable ( anything can tick you off)
- Reckless behavior
- Self-pity
- Feeling of hopelessness
- Loss of interest to do daily activities (even things you once enjoyed)
- Sleep/ Sleep pattern changes
And the list goes on… Not everyone will have the same symptoms but you would notice that something has differently changed (based on my experience)
How did God deliver me from depression? At that point in my life, I was basically trying to fill up a hole that wouldn’t be filled. I would watch movies and stay in my room for hours, I would hardly talk to my family and friends and try to avoid them as much as possible.
One day, I was at my bedside just thinking when the sudden urge to pray fell on me. That to me was strange considering that I never in my life had a heartfelt prayer. I immediately confessed all my sins and ask God to help me, I had nowhere else to turn and only God will truly understand that I’m in a battle that is all in my head. The enemy was messing with my mind, my thoughts and manifested in my actions and Enough was enough.
After that prayer, I’m not going to lie to you, I did fall back in sin and messed up but that was the beginning of my journey. This eventually made me open up enough to talk to someone and that helped me tremendously. I had to take baby steps to change my mentality and try my hardest to be more positive, this time it was easier because I had God by my side.
Not going to sugarcoat it either and say all you need to do is pray to God and you healed immediately, it IS MOST DEFINITELY possible, but sometimes when it comes to prayer you have to be persistent and fight the battle.
If you noticed in the Bible when God was sending the Israelites (Book of Joshua) to live in their new home(promise land), He told them to go battle and He will deliver their enemies in their hands. When you think about it, God is most definitely able to just get rid of the people living there but He chose to let them fight the battle but promised that the battle is won. This can apply to you also, yes God can just get rid of the problem, but if you fight the battle and allow God to be on your side no matter what, your faith will deepen. God is with you.
I’m not saying that this battle will be simple, difficult challenges will arise. What I am saying is that you won’t have to go through it alone, there are people out there willing to help you during the dark cloudy season. Seek help during this time and most importantly Seek God.
I hope this post allows someone to keep on fighting their battle and don’t give up.
I have a post coming soon speaking of my issues with social anxiety and how God is helping me.
*If you are thinking of suicide please don’t, talk to someone you trust or you can even reach out to me at mydiary@writeme.com. I love and care about you and know this isn’t the answer.*
R's Diary 